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Today Quotes by Dave Barry
- Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
- Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
- Today's toys contain computer chips, so they can move and talk; this stimulates the mind of your child. Notice I say "your child." MY child…
- Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information which is…
- Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!
- Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?
- Without computers, the government would be unable to function at the level of effectiveness and efficiency that we have come to expect. . . .…
- Today's beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip.
- By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.
- There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.
- A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas today, because of…
- If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered…
- 9 saw the first direct-dialed long-distance telephone call, between New York and San Francisco. Of course, back in that primitive era the parties had to…
More Today Quotes
- Boxing gave me the opportunities to grow into the person that I am today. — Alexis Arguello
- As far as we are concerned, we are ready to leave today, tomorrow, at any time, to join the people of Haiti,… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- The spirit of Ubuntu, that once led Haiti to emerge as the first independent black nation in 1804, helped Venezuela, Colombia and… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- I never thought being obnoxious would get me where I am today. — Billie Joe Armstrong
- Today we often think that before we start living a religious life we have first to accept the creedal doctrines and that… — Karen Armstrong
- I want justice to be so pervasive that it will be taken for granted, just as injustice is taken for granted today. — Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
- Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today - but the core… — Isaac Asimov
- To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today. — Isaac Asimov
- Today, the Iraqi citizen sees that America is coming and wants to occupy his country and kill him, and he is willing… — Bashar al-Assad
- The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. — Fred Astaire
- The people you see in Nigeria today have always lived as neighbors in the same space for as long as we can… — Chinua Achebe
- Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain... To feel the freedom that… — Kevyn Aucoin