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Thought Quotes by Jack Handey
- As we were driving, we saw a sign that said, "Watch for Rocks." Martha said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her…
- One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him…
- As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning,…
- If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing…
- Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I…
- One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the…
- Worship the potato? The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship? It's simple, it comes from…
- I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then…
- The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
- If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, "Injection? I…
- I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick "Americans"…
- I remember how the other kids used to say that old Mister Swenson was the meanest man in town. But I said I thought he…
- The big, huge meteor headed toward the Earth. Could nothing stop it? Maybe Bob could. He was suddenly on top of the meteor-through some kind…
- The other day I got out my can opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, "What am I doing?!"
- Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull…
- At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays.…
- When I heard that trees grow a new 'ring' for each year they live, I thought, we humans are kind of like that: we grow…
- Sometimes I wish Marta were more loyal to me. Like the other day. The car parked next to ours had a real dirty windshield; so…
- Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
More Thought Quotes
- Our tradition of political thought had its definite beginning in the teachings of Plato and Aristotle. I believe it came to a… — Hannah Arendt
- I went through a phase where I thought nostalgia was a bad thing. — Dario Argento
- High thoughts must have high language. — Aristophanes
- It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. — Aristotle
- If liberty and equality, as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when… — Aristotle
- It is just that we should be grateful, not only to those with whose views we may agree, but also to those… — Aristotle
- Every art and every inquiry, and similarly every action and choice, is thought to aim at some good; and for this reason… — Aristotle
- Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not. — Richard Armour
- I never thought being obnoxious would get me where I am today. — Billie Joe Armstrong
- Through my illness I learned rejection. I was written off. That was the moment I thought, Okay, game on. No prisoners. Everybody's… — Lance Armstrong
- I thought the attractions of being an astronaut were actually, not so much the Moon, but flying in a completely new medium. — Neil Armstrong
- Real knowledge, like everything else of value, is not to be obtained easily. It must be worked for, studied for, thought for,… — Thomas Arnold