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Shows Quotes by Jack Handey
- I think a good way to get into a movie is to show up where they're making the movie, then stick a big cactus plant…
- If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity 'happen.'
- There should be a detective show called "Johnny Monkey," because every week you could have a guy say "I ain't gonna get caught by no…
- I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex. He sort of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling…
- I remember how the other kids used to say that old Mister Swenson was the meanest man in town. But I said I thought he…
- If aliens from outer space ever come and we show them our civilization and they make fun of it, we should say we were just…
- He was the kind of man who was not ashamed to show affection. I guess that's what I hated about him.
- I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!
More Shows Quotes
- Misfortune shows those who are not really friends. — Aristotle
- I try to work on shows that I would want to watch. — J. J. Abrams
- One of my favorite things about 'Star Trek' wasn't just the overt banter but the humor in that show about the relationships… — J. J. Abrams
- Spare me the whispering, crowded room, the friends who come and gape and go, the ceremonious air of gloom - all, which… — Matthew Arnold
- As filmmakers, we can show where a person's mind goes, as opposed to theater, which is more to sit back and watch… — Darren Aronofsky
- When I was doing Bean more than I've done him in the last few years, I did strange things - like appearing… — Rowan Atkinson
- I had a huge advantage when I started 50 years ago - my job was secure. I didn't have to promote myself.… — David Attenborough
- In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels. — Jane Austen
- Show me your garden and I shall tell you what you are. — Alfred Austin
- Parodies of commercials are by no means new and have been popular going back to black-and-white TV shows of the '50s. — Dan Aykroyd
- I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. — Lauren Bacall
- Don't believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already… — Richard Bach