« All Over Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Over Quotes by Jack Handey
- I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are…
- Sometimes when I'm driving behind a big cement truck, I think of how the valve on the truck could suddenly open, spilling cement over my…
- Think about world peace; while you're doing that I'll be over here stealing your stuff.
- When Armageddon comes, it would be good to be an Olympic athlete, because running real fast and jumping over stuff could come in handy.
- One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him…
- Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring…
- If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing…
- Too bad you can't just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because…
- I remember how my Great Uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out…
- If you ever feel like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules: First, calm down; second, come over and…
- Some folks say it was a miracle. Saint Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the next pitch clean over the fence. But I think it was…
- If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone's lip. Even if they smash you, ick!,…
- I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a billion ants just to AIM a gun…
- I wonder if the polite thing to do is always the right thing to do. When I met the family from Japan, they all bowed.…
- Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked…
- Folks still remember the day ole Bob Riley came bouncing down that dirt road in his pickup. Pretty soon, it was bouncing higher and higher.…
- If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm…
- I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground…
- I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. but I know that secretly, they're watching my every…
- One day I saw a big kid beating up a little kid. I went over to the little kid and gave him a swift kick.…
More Over Quotes
- On the field, blacks have been able to be super giants. But, once our playing days are over, this is the end… — Hank Aaron
- I'd take precision any day over power; as far as being tactical you know you have to see what's going on in… — Alexis Arguello
- I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. — Aristotle
- I'll love you, dear, I'll love you till China and Africa meet and the river jumps over the mountain and the salmon… — Wystan Hugh Auden
- Getting over someone is a grieving process. You mourn the loss of the relationship, and that's only expedited by 'Out of sight,… — Hank Azaria
- Some choices we live not only once but a thousand times over, remembering them for the rest of our lives. — Richard Bach
- I'm substantially concerned about the policy directions of the space agency. We have a situation in the U.S. where the White House… — Neil Armstrong
- I like poems you can tack all over with a hammer and there are no hollow places. — John Ashbery