Jokes Quotes

2488 quotes by 1346 authors

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the… — Sam Ewing
Humor is widely used by Indians to deal with life. Indian gatherings are marked by laughter and jokes, many directed at the horrors of history,… — Paula Gunn Allen
Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your… — Robin Williams
I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and… — Howard Stern
I always thought my genitals were the result of some crude practical joke. — Steven Morrissey
A poem is a serious joke, a truth that has learned jujitsu. — William Stafford
Writing a first draft is like groping one's way into a dark room, or overhearing a faint conversation, or telling a joke whose punchline you've… — Ted Solotaroff
I have just been to a city in the West, a city full of poets, a city they have made safe for poets. The whole… — Robert Frost
If you make people laugh or cry about little black marks on sheets of white paper, what is that but a practical joke? All the… — Kurt Vonnegut
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick… — Joan Rivers
I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and said, "we don't… — Joan Rivers
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers
Why women don't blink during foreplay... not enough time. — Joan Rivers
You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary. — Joan Rivers
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I… — Joan Rivers
An old racetrack joke reminds you that your program contains all the winners' names. I stare at my typewriter keys with the same thought. — Mignon McLaughlin
I think that the joke and the ghost story both have a similar set up in that you kind of set something up and pay… — Simon Pegg
It used to bother me when people called me a pussy. But the joke's on them - after all, you are what you eat! — Jon Schmidt
She'd crack A joke sharp as a tin lid Hot from the teeth of the can-opener, And cackle her crack-corn laugh. — Sharon Olds
First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high… — Stephen Colbert

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1,346 authors contributed a total of 2,488 Jokes Quotes, led by these top contributors: