« All Inspirational Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Inspirational Quotes by Jack Handey
- Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
- I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
- I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
- If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!
- I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those really high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
- I'd rather be rich than stupid.
- A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.
- I don't pretend to have all the answers. I don't pretend to even know what the questions are. Hey, where am I?
- I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you hide from it or not?
- As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable-until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all,…
- I'm just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your radarscope is wearing out is something I call "image fuzz-out." But I've never…
- I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
- I wonder if Dracula ever has ticks.
- I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves.
- I love going down to the elementary school, watching all the kids jump and shout, but they don't know I'm using blanks.
- With every new sunrise, there is a new chance. But with every sunset, you blew it.
More Inspirational Quotes
- This is the precept by which I have lived: Prepare for the worst; expect the best; and take what comes. — Hannah Arendt
- There are no dangerous thoughts; thinking itself is dangerous. — Hannah Arendt
- Storytelling reveals meaning without committing the error of defining it. — Hannah Arendt
- By its very nature the beautiful is isolated from everything else. From beauty no road leads to reality. — Hannah Arendt
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- Action without a name, a who attached to it, is meaningless. — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore… — Pietro Aretino
- Perugia is my true fatherland because there I grew to manhood. — Pietro Aretino
- I want to do what I want when I want to do it not be dictated to by audiences. — Dario Argento
- I went through a phase where I thought nostalgia was a bad thing. — Dario Argento
- In Italy the censor is very old and there are many judges and psychiatrists who analyse you. — Dario Argento