« All Funny Quotes · Conan O'Brien's Page
Funny Quotes by Conan O'Brien
- The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.
- It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.
- I'd kill for 'somewhat frosty.'
- Though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it.
- Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42.
- A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other hand,…
- Toyota has announced it will start integrating Microsoft technology into their vehicles. It's perfect for the person who wants a car that crashes every ten…
- This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just…
- Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'
- A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that…
- The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you…
- Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to…
- Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is connected to the rhythm of music. They’re both about creating tension and knowing when…
More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin