Great Funny Quotations
52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors
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No more of taking this hatred from you You make me feel dead when I'm talking to you You take me for granted when I'm…
— Bullet For My Valentine
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If you are reading this, Congrats you know how to read..
— Jorge Armenta
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I hate when in scary movies, the person yells out, Hello? As if the bad guy is gonna be like, Yeah, I'm in the kitchen!…
— Jugi Steady
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Mom: Why is your room always so messy? Me: So that if someone comes in and tries to kill me, theyll trip over something and…
— Jugi Steady
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Me: why am I so fat? Me: *eats a snack* *eats dinner* *eats everything in fridge* *eats car* *eats family* *eats the universe* Me: why..
— Jugi Steady
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Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people.. *Fart*
— Jugi Steady
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Mom:I followed you on Twitter? Me: WHAT TWITTER? *throws laptop out window, runs to airport, moves to Mexico, changes name to Pepito*
— Jugi Steady
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Dear Parents, I stay up late, have a messy room, live on my phone... but I DON'T get wasted or do drugs. Sincerely, chill the…
— Jugi Steady
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When hungry, I'm a completely different person compared to when I'm full...You better pray to baby Jesus I'm full when you piss me off...
— Lisette Alfaro
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I swear if I feel one more bug crawl on me I will set it on fire and then feed it's body to my birds!!!
— Lisette Alfaro
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14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: