Great Funny Quotations

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

No more of taking this hatred from you You make me feel dead when I'm talking to you You take me for granted when I'm… — Bullet For My Valentine
If you are reading this, Congrats you know how to read.. — Jorge Armenta
I hate when in scary movies, the person yells out, Hello? As if the bad guy is gonna be like, Yeah, I'm in the kitchen!… — Jugi Steady
Mom: Why is your room always so messy? Me: So that if someone comes in and tries to kill me, theyll trip over something and… — Jugi Steady
Me: why am I so fat? Me: *eats a snack* *eats dinner* *eats everything in fridge* *eats car* *eats family* *eats the universe* Me: why.. — Jugi Steady
Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people.. *Fart* — Jugi Steady
Mom:I followed you on Twitter? Me: WHAT TWITTER? *throws laptop out window, runs to airport, moves to Mexico, changes name to Pepito* — Jugi Steady
Dear Parents, I stay up late, have a messy room, live on my phone... but I DON'T get wasted or do drugs. Sincerely, chill the… — Jugi Steady
When hungry, I'm a completely different person compared to when I'm full...You better pray to baby Jesus I'm full when you piss me off... — Lisette Alfaro
I swear if I feel one more bug crawl on me I will set it on fire and then feed it's body to my birds!!! — Lisette Alfaro

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14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: