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Comedy Quotes by Daniel Tosh
- Babies aren't dishwasher-safe.
- Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.
- I'm sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they're clearly sixes at best.
- I'm actually all for gay marriage. Just the thought of having a man around the house...
- You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"
- Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, Hey,…
- It's the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central, and they've been good to me.
- We have a gameshow called survivor in this country. It's a game in our country. Where you can win a million dollars living in a…
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