"Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems……" — Daniel Tosh
"Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, Hey, at least I'm not pregnant"
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Daniel Tosh
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89 Quotes by Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh has 89 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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I'm not honest, but you're interesting!
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I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or…
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I was drinking tea the other day, and I thought: they used to fight wars over this.
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I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on…
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I’m a Bad Test Taker…you mean you’re stupid?
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I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
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Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if…
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The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?
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Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
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Women can do anything men can do. Except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing,…
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Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.
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The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing.…
See all 89 quotes by Daniel Tosh »
More Comedy Quotes
This quote is filed under Comedy Quotes,
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You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
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Monty Python crowd; half of them came from Cambridge, and half of them came from Oxford. But, there seems to…
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Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I…
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The only thing I would unequivocally say is that I have never had any interest in romantic comedy I just…
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I will never say never, but I will say never to doing the more typical romantic comedies. You know, unless…
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In terms of the romantic kind of lead, I just never enjoy those movies very much. Maybe they'll come to…
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I would never say never to returning to comedy.
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By the time I finished comedy, I was really burnt out of it. I had had enough. I don't really…
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I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.
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