If you want to join the Republican party, they have to let you in. There's nothing they can do about it. I… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
America's grossly unfair tax system won't lead to class war. Or, if it does, the war will be brief. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The difference between American parties is actually simple. Democrats are in favor of higher taxes to pay for greater spending, while Republicans… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let's hope so. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some day you will be wheeled in for a heart bypass operation, and a surgeon will be the person who is now… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't mind America becoming a Third World country. The weather is better in the Third World than it is where I… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Something is worth what somebody will pay for it. Nothing else, nothing more, nothing less. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Politicians will talk strategy and tactics and policies and programs until they're blue in the face, or you strangle them and they… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A penny will not buy a penny postcard or a penny whistle or a single piece of penny candy. It will not… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
