I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't think comedians make an active decision to be a certain "persona." Comedians write the way they're going to write. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Don't take this the wrong way but I care more and I'm a better online friend than you. I also spend way… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I spend way too much time on Facebook and MySpace to feel too uncomfortable at this. I like to think of the… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I don't know, I find that honestly, the stand-up thing in some ways is a little bit of a cliche to carry… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I wish, in some ways, I was the type of comedian who could do something blistering and topical, but I'm the guy… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I'm not a strict vegetarian. I do eat beef and pork. And chicken. But not fish 'cause that's disgusting! How do you… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The entertainment business is such a strange, crazy perception business that you're either given way too much respect, like people saying, "You… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
But truly, women are amazing. Think about it this way: a woman can grow a baby inside her body. Then a woman… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I've stayed in so many hotel rooms that I'm shocked if, when I stay in a hotel room, the hotel phone isn't… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
![“I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.” quote by Jim Gaffigan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/81a/jim-gaffigan-580_beats_i-talk-kinda-slow-especially-for-the-nor_2333916.jpg)
