When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer." — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.” — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
