I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success". — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
It's funny. When we were alive we spent much of our time staring up at the cosmos and wondering what was out… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since...… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Everything is presented in as devious a manner as it could possibly be presented. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
