I should clarify that anyone that goes onstage and makes strangers laugh is insane. So I am insane. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I'm a weirdo that goes on stage to make strangers laugh, but if I wasn't working, I would just want to be… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I was always told that Hoosier came from when settlers in the state, when a stranger came on their property they'd say,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there. "All right, I'm standing in… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The whole idea of comedy, there is nothing normal about going up on stage to make strangers laugh. But I'm also not… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It doesn't matter if you're religious or not. Does anything make you feel more uncomfortable than some stranger going, I'd like to… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
