North Korea is now threatening the United States with all-out war. You can see they're stepping it up. In fact, they released… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
And under the new guidelines issued by the Obama Administration, Federal agents will not pursue pot-smoking patients in states that allow medical… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There was also talk of bringing Al Gore to California to help out, but there was concern that Gray Davis and Al… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I guess we didn't even officially apologize. Jesse Jackson called on the United States to officially apologize to the Chinese. Jesse said,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Senator John Kerry, who is running for president, said that when he voted for the war… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Obama administration asked General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner to step down, and he agreed. This is good news for Obama; the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush admitted that the United States went to war in Iraq based on bad intelligence. But he says knowing what we… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush announced a major new plan for the United States to put a man on the moon, which would be a… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
And some sad news... the first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama has begun a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are: Confusion, Delusion, and Desperation. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Olympics start on Friday, and Russia is implementing the most intensive security in Olympics history. During the games, the government will… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Geraldo has returned to the states. See? I told you airline security was a joke. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama’s approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today the United States has admitted that after months and months of searching, we still have no idea where Osama bin Laden… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The first case of mad cow disease since 2006 was discovered right here in the United States. The good news, since the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Rick Perry was philosophical about (his election losses). He said, 'Last week was Iowa. Yesterday was New Hampshire. ' He said at… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The United States military is now using the music of Metallica and other heavy metal bands to break the will of Saddam… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There are now more obese people in the United States than there are overweight people. I think it's safe to say that… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Sen. Joe Biden, on the day of announcing his candidacy for president of the United States, called Barack Obama the first mainstream… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When we finally have this recall election in October, there could be as many as 200 people on the ballot. And you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That’s a long trip for Joe Biden. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A new study shows that the child population in San Francisco is dwindling and in fact San Francisco has the smallest share… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Ron Paul is in favor of letting states legalize marijuana, prostitution, and cocaine. So even if he doesn't win, that's going to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Michele Bachmann said that if she is elected president, she would consider eliminating the Department of Education because "the states could do… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Congratulations to President Obama on being reelected president of the United States. Turns out it is not all bad news for the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Howard Dean announced today he will campaign in seven states. The states are Rage, Frenzy, Fury, Rath, Fever, Agitation, and Delirium. Yeeeeaaaah! — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Several states are now looking into the possibility of taxing marijuana as a source of revenue. That is so typical of the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Well, President-elect Barack Obama and his family are gonna spend the holidays in his home state of Hawaii. And you know who… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Today the Secretary of State said that of the 247 candidates, so far 115 of them have been certified. How embarrassing is… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama's been reaching out to Iran, reaching out to Cuba, reaching out to Latin America. The only place he can't seem… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Governor Gray Davis has asked the California state Supreme Court to delay the October recall vote because he says that's not enough… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The hot gossip in Washington is that Condoleezza Rice might have a new boyfriend. Secretary of State Rice is being linked to… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
