President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie's yoga pants. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney is running for president again. That will be attempt No. 3. Well, everybody needs a hobby. He's almost certainly running,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Obama's trying to work out a nuclear deal with Iran, and the Republicans are steamed. They got together and sent Iran… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, is promoting her new book and she's going to appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Sarah… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush says now he is sticking to his plan for handing over power to the Iraqis on June 30. It's also… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Jeb Bush may run for President. Bush presidencies are like 'Caddyshack' movies. They should have stopped with one. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush announced that the war in Iraq has been won. It's all over, it's been won. I believe this would be… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president. And then he said, 'No, not yet. OK, I made a… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Over the weekend, of course, down there in Washington, D.C., they had the big White House Correspondents' Dinner. Do you know who… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It turns out that President Obama has acid reflux. He had a sore throat, went to the hospital, and they diagnosed it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You probably heard about the big prisoner swap with Cuba. A man who has been incarcerated in Havana for five years is… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
