I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back,… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect.… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
