Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Adam Smith is misread as being amoral precisely because people don't read his first book, because they don't read 'The Theory of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
When I left the Lampoon, I went west to try that out, and discovered that I hated it.They were awful people turning… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Lampoon ran out of steam in the early '80s, and wasn't able to reinvent itself because it ran out of talent. People… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Everything on a boat has a different name than it would have if it weren't on a boat. Either this is ancient… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Why do elites hate the poor? It's xenophobia. They don't know any poor people - except their off-the-books Brazilian nanny and illegal… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Even the dumber parts of our government are not run by idiots. These are ordinary people like us, doing a job. By… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have. Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Like most sensible people, you probably lost interest in modern art about the time that Julian Schnabel was painting broken pieces of… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The preamble to the Constitution states: "We, the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Modern elites live in bubbles of liberal affluence like Ann Arbor, Brookline, the Upper West Side, Palo Alto, or Chevy Chase. These… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Masochists are people that have pleasure confused with pain. In a world that has television confused with entertainment, doritoes confused with food,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There's nothing inherently lame about electricity. I've got a basement full of power tools that all operate with electricity, and they're manly… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The neo-hippie-dips, the sentimentality-crazed iguana anthropomorphizers, the Chicken Littles, the three-bong-hit William Blakes- thank God these people don't actually go outdoors much,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Smoking is very bad for you and should only be done because it looks so good. People who don't smoke have a… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The commies are the only people on earth who think Star Wars will work. If they're that gullible, maybe we should have… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Freedom is not empowerment. Empowerment is what the Serbs have in Bosnia. Anybody can grab a gun and be empowered. It's not… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
