Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a with in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since...… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
It's harder to eat meat when you know the animal's name...I have found. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
