A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I didn't play music, nobody in my family had an instrument or played music, we didn't even have any books at my… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time,… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I call it 'new forms'. When you're starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you're… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
