The federal government... announced a plan to spend, like, a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney, who is on record saying that he would not waste money going after bin Laden, and on record saying he… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You can always tell when Obama's negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he's missing his watch and his lunch money. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Obama has had more fundraisers than the last six presidents combined. And he's still losing in the money race! — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“My bank must stop trying to sell me identity theft protection. You know why I expect you to protect my money? Because… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I think the right-wingers have to buddy up to the fact that either the minimum wage has to go up, and people… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
We survived the 1980's. Back then, the economic program was called 'trickle down.' That actually meant they were pissing on you. How… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The great thing about having been poor is how liberated it makes you if you eventually become rich. There's nothing like the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
