The only time a bachelor's bed is made is when it's in the factory. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The most futuristic aspect of the House of the Future was that it was made almost entirely of plastic. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
African famine is not a visitation of fate. It is largely man-made, and the men who made it are largely Africans. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Any trade that is voluntarily made is mutually beneficial, by definition, and, indeed, is balanced, by definition. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I look around my house, and everything except the kids and dogs was made in China. And I'm not sure about the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Some people have facts; these can be proven. Some people have theories; these can be disproven. But people with opinions are mindless… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Men generally pay for all expenses on a date ... either sex, however, may bring a little gift, its value to be… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
All religions must be made child-proof. Our teachers' unions have done good work in this field, K through 12. Delaying first communions… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Dates used to be made days or even weeks in advance. Now dates tend to be made the day after. That is,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The poor of the world cannot be made rich by the redistribution of wealth. Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Anyhow, all mankind's ideas and interests, all human aims and motives, are exhibited, fully formed, in a three-year-old child. The kid is… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Social Security is a government program with a constituency made up of the old, the near old and those who hope or… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Our regulatory bodies strive to create honest dealings, fair trades, and a situation in which no one has an advantage over anyone… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
As long as we are on firm moral ground, as long as we're caring about other people, these are legitimate worries. The… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It is easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
.......the poor of the world cannot be made rich by redistribution of wealth. Poverty can't be eliminated by punishing people who've escaped… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There's a current notion that you should "take charge of your disease." No thanks. I'm busy. I've got cancer. I'm willing to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Feminism is the result of a few ignorant and literal-minded women letting the cat out of the bag about which is the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
