No government proposal more complicated than "This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private" ever works. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I've got a 1990 Porsche 911. It's just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is that kind of happiness. There is the love and marriage and family kind of happiness, which is exceedingly boring to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley! — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The sport of skiing consists of wearing three thousand dollars worth of clothes and equipment and driving two hundred miles in the… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There is the love and marriage and family kind of happiness, which is exceedingly boring to describe but nonetheless is important to… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I wonder if it changes the nature of a society for beauty to be so common. Maybe in Vietnam "She has a… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
There's a love of rhetorical skill in the Muslim world. Osama bin Laden doesn't just go on tape cassettes and say, 'America… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
