“I make love like I sell sausages to strange women. One at a time, and always covered with a condom (to keep… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a color, it’d be transparent, like all women’s clothing should be.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made myself an “I Love Jennifer” jacket out of my old “I Love Jenn” jacket. Two girls, one continuous love. The… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think? — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the Chuck Yeager of love. You’ll need to wear earplugs when I break the sound barrier of your heart.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What I want more than a car that goes from Point A to Point B, is a car that stops. I make… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Let love find you. Don’t go looking for it. The best way to attract a mate is to post an ad on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I keep an outfit of my baby clothes on a hanger in my closet. It hangs there like a heretical, anorexic midget.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love lets us ride on its back as if it were a camel. But you’ve got to water it, or it won’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my skin wasn’t flesh, but was tinfoil, I’d probably not only be left-handed, but I’d be a leftover. I guess the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Stoplight red is never greener than when it’s tinged with yellow. I make love like I have no breaks and I’m wearing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I found love when I stopped looking for it. And I sold it precisely when everyone else began their search.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“50% of sales are going to come from women buying it for men, but where are the other 50% in sales going… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d row a gondola like a column is not a row. My coffee may be cold, but my love is warm. When… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a summer rainstorm in winter. Where I’m from that’s called romance. Where you’re from that may be called snow.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I blink like a blanket. I’m not asleep—this extended motionlessness is how I make love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I used to think I knew what love was, but here recently it has been revealed to me that what I thought… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t see the wind. I can only see the effects of the wind, namely your love always being carried away from… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m always 15 minutes early for everything. In fact, I was born 15 minutes early. That’s why my love is always a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t sell yourself short—sell yourself medium, because it’s taller. Did you know my love is refillable? For just .99 cents.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
