“The love doctor, Orafoura, says there are two things that a guy can do to promote a healthy relationship: One, grow out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hear what you say in what you don’t say, you see, because I’m a Helen Keller kind of communicator. Love is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’d be quite absurd to equate a math equation with love. But that is exactly what I’ve done. I’m giving a four-hour… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bread can soak up soup, but can it soak up all my love for you? I doubt it. You’re better off cleaning… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is to beer as I am to drunk. And you say I’m not romantic. Shoot, I’m so romantic I could just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn't have romantic feelings for her, but my penis did. So what else could I do but obey the Master?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“While I love people, I hate every single person. I only like a person if they’re in a relationship.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Men and women think about love differently. The main difference is that men simply don’t think about it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My heartbeat’s so loud it’s like a tap dancer in my chest. No, it’s more like Mr. Morse, tapping out the code… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love will make a man do some funny things, like tightrope walking across a telephone wire, rather than simply picking up the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She has a sly smile, and eyes that seem to see my essence as they explore my soul and implore my spirit… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a porch light, I’d be the moth. And you’d be the freshly-pressed pants I’m dying to eat.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don't know what love is, but I know what love isn't. Love isn't a peanut butter and tuna sandwich, because no… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a variety of dog, I’d want mine hot. I’d take my love with ketchup and mustard.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have an itch. Wait, scratch that. That’s just a tickle that comes from being in love with someone who’s not in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like trying to wrestle an albino. It’s tough because they’re slippery and all lubed up with sunscreen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to share my thoughts with you. Press your forehead firmly against mine, and let my mind transfer to yours. You… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People ask me all the time, “Jarod, how come you are so much more romantic than anybody else?” And I say, “Simple.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The six squares of our love didn’t add up to a cube. Still, I took the oddly-shaped box down to the post… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love doesn’t spend its time watering your plants. But it might bubblegum swank monkey mouth with you—twice.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If something earthly reminds you of something ethereal, then it must be love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“That night when we made love, she saw a side of me she’d never seen—the left side.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
