“We made love like an earthquake, which was nice because neither one of us had to do any work.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can feel the weight of her love. It feels like a purse on my shoulder. When is she coming back so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll trade my formal neckwear for your love, if your love has an equal or greater value to $14.95.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She had lips like two wavy slices of crisp bacon, and her kisses felt like gravy on my scrambled eggs tongue. We… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I always feel elfish around noonish, and selfish around 12:01. The best time to be in love is between those two points.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She had two blueberries for eyes, and hair the color of strawberries. Too bad our love never made it past the kitchen… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like September swims in August. But that’s natural, because it’s too cold to go swimming in October.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like spending all my time making things with my hands. Mostly I make love to myself.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If a woman named Ms. Silver won a gold medal, she’d probably be a little disappointed she didn’t place second. My love… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is like an empty bottle of wine. If you’re wondering, my ex wife drank it all.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick is a lot like love. I mean, I’m sure it is. It simply must be. However, I can’t think of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“No matter how far or long you carry it, my love doesn’t weigh a lot. But if you aren’t carrying it with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like Wednesday and Thursday, only Thursday wasn’t always on top. Her name was Yesterday, and today will always remind… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I write like I make love: alone in my bathtub, as I let the fantasy overflow and wash over me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love had the texture of a turtle, and the taste of a rabbit, would you say we’re moving too fast in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A man who claims to be 32 degrees is one freezing freemason. That man must make love with all the warmth of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to do something so hard so easily, and I want to do it with no hands. Only gloves. Love will… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was a bellman once. A bellman of love. The hospitality industry taught me a lot about romance, and proper gratuity etiquette.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I ran a few miles, Davis, and they were musical. Then I made love like the sound of a trumpet, as heard… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love played an instrument, I’ll bet it would be the piano. 88 keys, double infinity, and the ability to chop down… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
