“If I had a half, I’d split it in half and share it with you. That’s love. Then I’d go find the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There is nothing more romantic than candles and flowers, except candles that smell like flowers and flowers that can be burned, as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I make love, I make a difference in at least one person’s life. (Limit one per purchase.)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love can’t spread its wings and fly, because love is an ostrich. But it can sure run fast!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my view, a Cyclops is halfway to being blind. Love sees all. When someone insults me and I go silent, I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I enjoy breakfast in bed. But not while I am sleeping, because that’s when I’m making love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With twelve of my clones, I want to co-write a one-liner about sex, drugs, and finding love in a Walmart. I do… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could help me tell you I love you. Well, it could if I did, but I don’t, so I’ll just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It's easy to say I love you, but much harder to show it. Be bold. Be in love—and show it. Love is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fell in love with a beautiful girl, got her pregnant, and then I got married. I wonder whatever happened to that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a protective coating, like a tank. It’s called Love. And when I get you naked, I’ll want to make war… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As much as I would love to know what you know, I’d much rather eat your brain with a spoon.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather fall in molten lava than fall in love. But I suppose that’s just the romantic me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Maybe is forgettable. Only yes and no are memorable. Be bold with your love and say yes to yes and no to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I believe there are three tenants to live by in this apartment called Life: Love is empowering, Fear is motivating, and Passion… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Even when we’re old, I’ll still look at you with the same eyes. (Who else’s eyes am I going to look at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to determine whether you are really in love or not. But you’re never going to be able… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the color of red inverted. At least that’s what Gunnar Greenlove told me, and I believe him because he’s from… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The night before I’m murdered,” said the voice over in my head, “will be at noon.” I’d better write and mail all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My apartment complex isn’t. No, it’s simple. I used to think our love was simple, until Chris Hemsworth moved into your heart.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
