“If love smelled like cheese, as some people assume it does, then I'd rather be a goat and make love all day… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s very hard to whisper in your own ear. Love is an art, but as an artist, I guess I’m no Van… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the rainbow of love. Even if things get stormy, you know you can count on me. Call me Roy G.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A tickle, an itch, and a scratch walk into a bar while I was in the corner drinking a thermos full of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My sword can cut through butter like water. Likewise, my tongue can cut through the logic of love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is love a gift from heaven? If it is, it’s often wrapped in disinterest and rejection.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am in possession of the love cannon. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but please don’t take this the wrong… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you carry all my love, it won’t get heavy and make you weak. In fact, my love will give you strength.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a blanket: it will keep you warm, but it might also suffocate you. Also, it's probably covered with cat… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love can make people do crazy things. I once saw a man streak down Blanding Blvd. with only a banana peel stapled… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my laboratory, I use science to measure love. Whatever you do, don’t drink out of beaker number two.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only thing that can tame and temper love is love. Also syphilis. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We were in love. When I say we, I don’t mean her and I. I mean me and my clone were in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t know how to say it without saying it, so I’ll just not say it. Or I could show it, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I know what is wrong, I know what is right, and most importantly, I know what is left. Nothing is left, now… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the orangutan of love. OK, who am I kidding? I’m merely the love monkey.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think they should combine the Summer and Winter Olympics and call it the Fall Olympics. They could host it in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the William Wallace of love. Wait, no I’m not, I’m the Robert the Bruce.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love for you would blot out the sun like a cloud made out of yogurt. I hope you brought a spoon.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If Twinkies grew on trees, as nature intended, then I would like to irrigate your fertile valley. When we make love, bring… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is a flower shaped like a snowflake. It won’t melt, so perhaps ice cream should be made out of it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is as loud as it can be while still being silent. Would you describe our relationship as Helen Kelleresque” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
