“Falling in love too quickly spells disaster. But I’ve always lived dangerously, and I spell disaster with a Z.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Trying to define love is like trying to catch a ghost named Brita in a glass of purified water. It’s hard to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like a flamethrower would make a good ice machine. But that’s OK, because I like ice water.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I just wrote the book of love. Well, I coauthored it with Cupid and Nicholas Sparks.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m too horny tonight to be productive. Right now the only thing I could make is love. And then I wouldn’t be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m sleepin’ in your pee pee, and I’m dreaming of what could be.” That’s just the chorus of a little love song… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I keep my love in the fridge, next to my meat, because you simply can’t beat it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You told me you circled three words in three books scattered in the Library of Alexandria,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a tomato. And while it's true that I can live without a tomato, I could sure go for some ketchup.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I left a jar in the doorway to leave the door ajar, but love never walked in.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Everybody loves you, but not as much as me. I love you more than any single person, and all the single people… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fell in love, but she wasn’t there to pick me up. So I took a taxi.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is snowy, like the raincloud I left in the freezer. I would ski on the slope of your kiss, but I’d… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My cat will love you more than me. He won’t love you more than he loves me, but he will love you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Someone, probably Orafoura, once asked me what’s my favorite part of love, and my answer then, just like it is now, is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a pirate, then maybe I would wear an unopened condom over my eye, like an eye patch, and shave… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t swim, because despite my love being shaped like Michael Phelps, it’s so heavy it’s like an anti flotation device. If… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It was a blustery winter night, back in the summer of 2009. That’s when we met, and that’s when I knew it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is like one of those wooden Russian nesting dolls (matryoshka doll). I know, because your heart fits perfectly inside mine. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
