“Love is more powerful than any gun. Still, I’d recommend wearing a bulletproof vest.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Rain is a nudist’s shower, and I want a bathtub the size of a lake. Then we could make love like your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My drug of choice is love. Sure, I’ve tried other drugs, but no other drug gets both the dealer and user high… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You may have to dish out more love than me, but I have more love to dish out. Also, it’s your turn… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When it doesn’t matter to you, that’s where I’ll find the most matter. The pile of trash builds up just as fast… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t search for a void to fill. Find a vacuum to carpet. Let this be a lesson in love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The cheese was riddled with holes, and it was a riddle to me what kind it was. All I know is my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is made out of three things: the dawn, the sunrise, and redundancy. I poured you two glasses, which can easily… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I asked her if she’d give me all her love, and she flatly said no. I got excited because while she said… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love pan pizza. I love pans. I love Peter Pan. I love Peter, but not as much as I love Paul.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What can I say about love that’s never been said by me or anyone else? Well, sometimes love smells like my farts,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She grew broccoli, and I grew dentures. We were perfect for each other. Our love disappeared into each other like a box… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my love could be represented by a blur, it would be the beating of a hummingbird’s wings. Did you know that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a cookie. Maybe I should have ordered crackers with my condom soup.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m like a praying mantis, except not so devout. And I make love like a monk in meditation, which can often be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t have a tan because I only come out at night. The only sun I get is reflected off the moon.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a banana, and I keep it in my pocket on cold days to warm up my hand.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t put the hat in hate and then wear it around with pride. Wear your love like socks for gloves, and let… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We fell in love like the Fourth of July. But there was nothing red, white, and blue about it, because we fell… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used measure the volume of love in any given bathtub. But for the test to be accurate, I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as one ingredient on the greedy Cake of Love. Other ingredients include: Everything. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Twitter: Up to the minute details that are minute. I’d like to update and reaffirm my love for you every sixty seconds.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If it’s not one thing, it’s another. The other thing is, of course, two. That makes the one thing love, because two… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you’re looking for someone to stand in the unemployment line, I’m the man for the job. And if you’re looking for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the most precious gift you could ever possibly hope to steal. Some women foolishly do not leave their rib cages… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
