“I had a dream about you. I’d just invented a flying bathtub, and you were dirty and afraid of heights. I thought… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like a slice of French toast trying to act like an English muffin.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She had two leaves for feat. Maple, I think. She was flat-footed and always ready to leave. That’s why I tried to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a felon, though I haven’t been arrested for it. I’m guilty of stealing large quantities of love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I long for your love like shortness of breath. Somebody get me an inhaler!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll tell you about love on one condition: that you give it to me unconditionally.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My voice is raspy, like Rasputin’s beard. My love is like a mustache hidden in a patch of armpit hair. Come, feel… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t think anybody’s ever written a song called, “There’s urine on the couch, and the remote control is in the shower.”… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If love covered as much of the earth’s surface as the oceans, would you still urinate in your… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wrote a zen koan once about love, but it didn’t make any sense. That’s how I knew I had accurately described… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love with all your heart. And the rest of your body. Oh, and your mind, too.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a collection of collections, would your relationship be banged-up baseball cards, or famous art? My love for you is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m in love with the customer service at Walmart. And by customer service I mean the customer is forced to self-checkout because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As a balloon expands, so too does my love for you with each passing day. To know how I truly feel about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like Tuesday at noon, even though it was Thursday at 3:00, and then again at 3:03. (I have the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To maximize love, I try to emulate an omelet. And I’m not just saying that to sound romantic.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My ex girlfriend would say I am a bit of a romantic. Well, actually, she'd say I bit a romantic. I bit… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I could, I’d eat love for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And for in-between snacks, I’d eat passion fruit.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Her name is Today. I told her I’d call her tomorrow. That was yesterday. I’m confused about the time, but not about… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love doesn’t just have arms to embrace you; it also has arms that attach to the hands that slowly strangle you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
