“I’m 30% in love, and if I ever rise to 70%, then I’ll be 100% in love. But I’ll still be mathematically… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like a balloon, and fortunately, my lover is a blow up doll.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am Mr. Needleneeds, and I’m looking for a haystack. It’s easier to find than love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You asked how long I’ve loved you, and I replied, “About 5,280 feet.” It was true.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I keep a fish in each pocket, and one in my left shoe, so I don’t drown in your love.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best birthday present is an empty box. Smile, it contains all my love for you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were orange, like an apple, there’d be nothing to compare it to.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As our bodies are mostly made of water, I’d rather be hungry than thirsty. And as love is mostly made up of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Our relationship is like ten turtles marching along, followed by seven beetles, with each carrying one monosyllabic word on its back. You… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My armpits smell like a baboon belch, which doesn’t make me want to shower, as you’d imagine, but rather it makes me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The two lovers were inseparable. Well, I guess death could split them up. So could Ryan Gosling, because she has a thing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is like a crumbly cookie. It’s very hard to give all of it to just one person. Try as I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I know the secret number of the universe. It’s one, for the individual in search of the secret number. But the secret… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The girl I am in love with told me she’s moving on. Should I cry, or go to Jax beach and party?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She’s not showing any interest in me and she looks like she doesn’t want to be here. Should I take off her… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I blended into the kitchen like a blender, but I made so much noise that I nearly woke up the strawberries and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Water is nearly invisible. So is my love. Drink it in, but don’t choke on it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to say Thank You in sign language, but instead I sneezed and ended up shooting out an I love you.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m nothing. I’m just a humble man in a bumblebee costume trying to pollinate with a woman as romantic as a flower.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We had a mythical love. Some would say, including her, that it didn’t exist.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
