If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
There's more attention paid to entertainers than ever and less that they have to say. Not that entertainers were ever a great… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
People have romantic notions about television. In the highest realms they think it's some sort of art medium, and it's not. Others… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I kid the Republicans, with love. I feel bad for them. They got nobody for next time. Who are they gonna run?… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
Stop saying athletes do it for the love of the game. They do it for the love of their 32-room mansion with… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If it makes you feel any better we will be happy to attack a country that had nothing to do with it. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
In today's Republican Party, there's a term for people who hate charity and love killing: 'Christian.' — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I love Jesus. I just don't like the Christians who don't believe in what he says. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
A lot of people say they are dyslexic; some have to realize that they are just stupid. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I saw this anti-drug commercial that showed a kid smoking pot in his dad`s room with his friend. This kid finds a gun, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
You see, the difference is the Republicans' hatred of Obama is based on a paranoid feeling about what he might do, what he's thinking,… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away. — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: The White House doesn't have to release the dead Bin Laden photos, but don't pretend we can't take it. We've seen pictures… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't hate America. I love America. I want it to be better. The only way we can get it to be better is… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
“New Rule: Americans must realize what makes NFL football so great: socialism. That's right, the NFL takes money from the rich teams and gives… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
