As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
If I could be really competent, that goes such a long way toward things, because the majority of things are not competent.… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
After a long investigation the SEC has fined Halliburton $7.5 million for issuing fraudulent statements exaggerating their profits in 1998 and 1999… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Some people have criticized the United States and the United States military for guarding oil fields and not guarding the Iraqi National… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
All in all it's a pretty great day for major league sports. At long last they've decided that gay people are fit… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
So, is there hope for a truly democratic Africa? Long answer: Only if continent-wide improvements in education, human rights and public health… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely!… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Bush advisers have long been worried that a lagging economy could hamper the president's re-election chances. They hope that the Cabinet shake-up… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and not come away thinking, "Hey, there's something wrong with this… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I don't know how people feel,that's the beauty of TV, is they can see us, but we can't see them. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I reject the idea there are just two sides. I think that with the amount of ideas and thoughts there are, it's not even… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Megachurches. I can't be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
While opponents label (Howard) Dean a throwback liberal, The New York Times recently noted that as governor, Dean cut income taxes, reformed welfare and… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
You know, in Saudi Arabia, you're innocent until proven Jewish. Female. Guilty! They're guilty! — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core. — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.'… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
