I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I've been playing the CNN Drinking Game, have you ever played that? Where you do a shot every time George Bush says… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
“Some of the best nights in your life will never make it onto your Wikipedia page. Stop worrying about your credits and… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you're sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum,… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
There's a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I hate when your friends quit drinking on you, don't you? It's sad. I've lost more friends to AA than Liberace did… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Comedy is like music; it builds on itself. Once someone comes up with a theory or a different way of doing things,… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
You have options when it comes to abortion now. It's not like 1955 when you just had to kick her down a… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I couldn't be a responsible enough parent if my kid was born with a new suit and a full-time job. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying:… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't really need… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
![“The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to…” quote by Doug Stanhope](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/34c/doug-stanhope-1528_acting_the-whole-acting-and-hollywood-thing-it_124805.jpg)
