I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Whatever a writer gets paid for his book, it's never enough. I think that's true. It's hard work. But in the end,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
A lot of people are like, "You're doing commercials?" And I honestly feel like those Sierra Mist commercials are better than a… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think being a doctor is really hard, and it's really this thankless, never-ending job. It's not even that you get done… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Faith is something that's - it's hard to articulate. It's - there's - it's not based on logic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
It's kind of hard to articulate, but, like, this notion of mercy, forgiveness, was very appealing for me. It was very profound.… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
The whole idea of celebrity is flattering - it helps you get into restaurants and stuff - but once you obtain some… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Stand-up comedy in the end, unlike the rest of the entertainment industry, is a meritocracy. There's a certain level of undeniability you can work… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I think growing up in Indiana prepares anyone for a life in comedy. I do feel like there is a certain kind of self-effacing… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Besides hot pockets keeps introducing new products every 10 minutes so I always have new stuff on the topic. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“The song goes, “Morning has broken,” and I’m pretty sure my children broke it. Like everything else they break, if they did break it,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I am single, I don't drink. It's kind of hard to get a woman buzzed when you don't drink. You'll be like, "Yeah, I'll… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Babies and toddlers are mostly what I've been exposed to at this point. I'm hoping parenting just gets much easier after this. It does,… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“If you complain about how you spend your Saturdays taking your kid to birthday parties, that means you are taking your kid to birthday… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
