No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand. — Dov Davidoff Feel Copy Share Image
A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break. — Dov Davidoff Break Copy Share Image
When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face. — Dov Davidoff Dolls Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure whoever said, people are wonderful spent very little time with people. — Dov Davidoff Little time Copy Share Image
I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood. — Dov Davidoff Appreciated Copy Share Image
It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant. — Dov Davidoff Beauty Copy Share Image
Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social. — Dov Davidoff Annoying Copy Share Image
America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself. — Dov Davidoff America Copy Share Image
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but… — Dov Davidoff Different Copy Share Image
How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more? — Dov Davidoff Instruments Copy Share Image
Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland… — Dov Davidoff Animal Copy Share Image
Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift? — Dov Davidoff Adopted Copy Share Image
I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie. — Dov Davidoff Apple pie Copy Share Image
Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with… — Dov Davidoff Comedy Copy Share Image
One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen. — Dov Davidoff Beats Copy Share Image
Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you… — Dov Davidoff Comic Copy Share Image
You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their… — Dov Davidoff Car Copy Share Image
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it. — Dov Davidoff Expensive Copy Share Image
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush. — Dov Davidoff Bathroom Copy Share Image
I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting. — Dov Davidoff Attracted Copy Share Image
I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor. — Dov Davidoff Donor Copy Share Image
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. — Dov Davidoff Deliver Copy Share Image
Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be. — Dov Davidoff Gym Copy Share Image
Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to. — Dov Davidoff Another way Copy Share Image
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach. — Dov Davidoff Beach Copy Share Image
Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses. — Dov Davidoff Horse Copy Share Image
If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity. — Dov Davidoff Commodity Copy Share Image
Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal? — Dov Davidoff Assuming Copy Share Image
Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me. — Dov Davidoff Do you love me Copy Share Image
Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking. — Dov Davidoff People Copy Share Image
Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them. — Dov Davidoff Age Copy Share Image
Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to. — Dov Davidoff Horoscopes Copy Share Image
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding. — Dov Davidoff Cases Copy Share Image
Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move. — Dov Davidoff Drive Copy Share Image
The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial. — Dov Davidoff Denial Copy Share Image
The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time. — Dov Davidoff Blood Copy Share Image
