I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
