Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Ending a sentence with yo, is like saying, I don't want a job. Not today. Not ever. Know what I mean yo? — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
