Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move. — Dov Davidoff Driving Copy Share Image
How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more? — Dov Davidoff Instruments Copy Share Image
Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one. — Dov Davidoff Bad time Copy Share Image
Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years. — Dov Davidoff Havens Copy Share Image
Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal? — Dov Davidoff Assuming Copy Share Image
I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting. — Dov Davidoff Interesting Copy Share Image
I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I… — Dov Davidoff Commit Copy Share Image
Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it. — Dov Davidoff Expensive Copy Share Image
Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you. — Dov Davidoff Sex Copy Share Image
I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure. — Dov Davidoff Failure Copy Share Image
The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having. — Dov Davidoff Amount Copy Share Image
I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie. — Dov Davidoff Apple pie Copy Share Image
TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange… — Dov Davidoff Acronyms Copy Share Image
Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to. — Dov Davidoff Another way Copy Share Image
If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity. — Dov Davidoff Commodity Copy Share Image
No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand. — Dov Davidoff Feels Copy Share Image
People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more… — Dov Davidoff Angry Copy Share Image
When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously. — Dov Davidoff Believe Copy Share Image
When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face. — Dov Davidoff Dolls Copy Share Image
Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses. — Dov Davidoff Horse Copy Share Image
Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served… — Dov Davidoff Addresses Copy Share Image
Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to. — Dov Davidoff Horoscopes Copy Share Image
Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it… — Dov Davidoff Facts Copy Share Image
The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know. — Dov Davidoff Human spirit Copy Share Image
