No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand. — Dov Davidoff Feel Copy Share Image
Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social. — Dov Davidoff Annoying Copy Share Image
It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant. — Dov Davidoff Beauty Copy Share Image
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you. — Dov Davidoff Marriage Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure whoever said, people are wonderful spent very little time with people. — Dov Davidoff Little time Copy Share Image
I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood. — Dov Davidoff Appreciated Copy Share Image
I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house. — Dov Davidoff Decided Copy Share Image
Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes. — Dov Davidoff Anger Copy Share Image
Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a… — Dov Davidoff Boxes Copy Share Image
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn. — Dov Davidoff Commitment Copy Share Image
Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged. — Dov Davidoff Happiness Copy Share Image
Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served… — Dov Davidoff Addresses Copy Share Image
I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well. — Dov Davidoff Gay Copy Share Image
The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache. — Dov Davidoff Bunch Copy Share Image
Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in… — Dov Davidoff Animal Copy Share Image
We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at… — Dov Davidoff Born Copy Share Image
If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron. — Dov Davidoff Adults Copy Share Image
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them. — Dov Davidoff Boobs Copy Share Image
I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to… — Dov Davidoff Big deal Copy Share Image
Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up. — Dov Davidoff Figments Copy Share Image
I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to… — Dov Davidoff Able Copy Share Image
I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another. — Dov Davidoff Being real Copy Share Image
Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight. — Dov Davidoff Courses Copy Share Image
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing. — Dov Davidoff Dancing Copy Share Image
Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had… — Dov Davidoff Angry Copy Share Image
Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water. — Dov Davidoff Cases Copy Share Image
Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their… — Dov Davidoff Attention Copy Share Image
At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse. — Dov Davidoff Committed Copy Share Image
I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included. — Dov Davidoff Consider Copy Share Image
I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate. — Dov Davidoff Appropriate Copy Share Image
Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years. — Dov Davidoff Havens Copy Share Image
You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks… — Dov Davidoff Assuming Copy Share Image
I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away… — Dov Davidoff Fall Copy Share Image
Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one. — Dov Davidoff Bad time Copy Share Image
If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self… — Dov Davidoff Awareness Copy Share Image
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. — Dov Davidoff Deliver Copy Share Image
One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen. — Dov Davidoff Beats Copy Share Image
