My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
It's true; I have a skill and it's... it has not related to acting, it's not related to auditions, it's not related… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Can a woodchuck chuck wood? Because the question is, "how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if," so you haven't established or… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding."… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot." — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children.… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent driving, it… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
