I may go back and spice it up with a little bit of the tool stuff and grunting and all that that… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly,… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
I'm a pretty solid Christian. But even as an altar boy, I was always asking the bigger questions--you know: if God is,… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
The world is your oyster when you are successful. That was when I was getting scripts. I was planning for this. I… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Men aren't allowed to have self-esteem, because we're already supposed to have all the power.... But most men earn less than they… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't realize, that don't know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot." — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children.… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent driving, it… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
![“I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't…” quote by Tim Allen](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/b6d/tim-allen-4974_audience_i-think-there-s-a-percentage-of-the-audi_2856365.jpg)
