They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
“Anyway, they used to beat up on Barry all the time. They called it roughhousing , which is like men calling lying bullshitting .” — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot." — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children.… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent driving, it… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation. — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
