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Time Quote by Tim Allen

“Anyway, they used to beat up on Barry all the time. They called it roughhousing , which is like men calling lying bullshitting .” quote by Tim Allen — Download Open image

““Anyway, they used to beat up on Barry all the time. They called it roughhousing , which is like men calling lying bullshitting .””

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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

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If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it.

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My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and…

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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't…

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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.

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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children.…

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Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent driving, it…

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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him…

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To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.

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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.

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My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.

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