“I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's good to yell "I have diarrhea" is when you're playing Scrabble… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Next Time someone rings your home phone, test their intelligence by replying with 'Hi, can I call you back I'm driving' — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I mean, we're ninjas." "Well maybe you're a ninja," I said "You're just a really loud, awkward ninja," Margo said, "but we… — John Green Copy Share Image
Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
People from polland are called poles . and those from holland ? any suggestion ? :D — Melchor Lim Copy Share Image
I was always a funny guy. I don't think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn't a funny guy… — Ron White Copy Share Image
Would you rather have an overachieving 3-Star, or an underachieving 5-Star? — Bret Bielema Copy Share Image
Funny and sad are two sides of the same coin. I think that most comedians are able to tap into deep subject… — Hasan Minhaj Copy Share Image
Faith must become more than a verbal proclamation or an intellectual assent. True faith must be acted out. — Millard Fuller Copy Share Image
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML — Sheryne Brooks Copy Share Image
I think it's important to find humor anywhere you can. In real life, with the darkest, scariest, most intense moments, if you… — Katie Lowes Copy Share Image
“It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn” — James Patterson Copy Share Image
