Funny Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 38

I showed my therapist some of my tweets and now she's seeing a therapist.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is on listening terms with his wife

— Nikhil Saluja

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Without you, I am like... Tweet. without Stars.

— Nikhil Saluja

Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

— Nikhil Saluja

I started out with nothing...and I still have most of it left.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. Woman means:I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, then we can be good friends.

— Nikhil Saluja

The cottage went on a diet. It wanted to be a lighthouse.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm still in my first marriage. I know, it's wrong to talk about it so temporary like that. My current husband hates…

— Nikhil Saluja

Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.

— Nikhil Saluja

BLOODY HELL FUCKING SHIT GOD DAMNIT I RIPPED MY KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON POSTER!

— Nikhil Saluja

To Do List : 1: Buy 4 Pigs 2: Paint numbers 1,2,3 & 5 on their backs 3: Release them in Wal-Mart 4: Sit back watch Security search for 4

— Nikhil Saluja

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

— Nikhil Saluja

My Friend dumped his GF last night. To make her feel better, I gave her company in her shower today & BITCH…

— Nikhil Saluja

Did It Hurt?... When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not an optimist but hopefully one day I will be.

— Nikhil Saluja

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

— Nikhil Saluja

You know what's fun? Go to a German restaurant and insist on using chopsticks.

— Nikhil Saluja

You know what would be fun? To have a set of twins, name them Dumbo and Goofy and then just sit back…

— Nikhil Saluja

If I said It would take too long to explain. I really meant I have no idea how it works.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sex whilst wearing two condoms - Prudential

— Nikhil Saluja