It was a great Olympics - Team USA finished the games with 17 more medals than China. China said it was tough… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
“Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves.” — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
“Thank you adult mittens, for allowing me to give people the finger without them knowing it.” — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney will travel to London where he will attend the Olympics opening ceremony. Of course it's going ot be weird when… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot.… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Apple is apparently building a large solar energy farm in North Carolina. And if there's any justice, the minute they're done building… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.' — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Steven Spielberg is going to release a biopic about Abraham Lincoln next year. Right, that's a good way to honor Lincoln … — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new survey found that 12 percent of parents punish their kids by banning social networking sites. The other 88 percent punish their kids… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, 'Thanks,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
After Donald Trump wrote Lindsey Graham's cellphone number on a piece of paper and showed it to everybody, Graham said he's getting a new… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question:… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A clothing company is making T-shirts inspired by Bernie Sanders with messages like 'Feel the Bern.' They were gonna make them for Lincoln Chafee… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday, the Supreme Court spent over an hour listening to arguments on whether Obamacare is unconstitutional. Yeah, listening to arguments about Obamacare for an… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
