A Hanukkah miracle would be feeling confident that you spelled Hanukkah correctly. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why do I feel so awkward about asking you for the money you owe me? You owe me. You must feel terrible. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when someone says you two should go out, when you actually do like the person, and the person you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Fact 1: You can not touch your both lips with your tongue Fact 2: After reading this, 99/100 idiots would try it Happy 1st April — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd dress up as Siri for Halloween if my life didn't already entail being asked stupid questions all day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Question- how can you make god laugh??? Answer- tell him about your future plans. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You're thirteen and you smoke, drink, and have sex? When I was thirteen, I danced to High School Musical in my kitchen.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I am cleaning up my facebook friends page. If you are deleted don't take it personally. It is strictly based on the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm always drunk when I do it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Funny way to spend your life, though, studying another chap's versifying.” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Come on... I'm just a fruit.. what else do you think of me?? - BANANA (o.O) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nothing is scarier than attmepting the first fart after having diarrhea. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Masturbating is a form of stress relief...so go fuck yourself and calm down.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I now know Im psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Gal's top 10 lies 1. I luv u more than nothing 2. I am single 3. I hope u wont cheat on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your habit of drinking hot coffee during the heat wave has us worried you're trying to kill yourself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When killing them with kindness doesn't work, I hear a baseball bat is really effective. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You Could Walk a Mile In My Shoes But You Still Wouldn't GetMe Even If I Can With Instructions, So Tell Me,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Oh, you got an 'A' on your test? Please brag about how much smarter you are than everybody else — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The 2 rules of Judo training: 1) the teacher is always right and 2) when you think the teacher is wrong, refer to rule one. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When we are bored we get on Facebook, then we get bored on Facebook so we get off then 15 min later… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
At my funeral,when they are lowering me into the ground,I demand they play DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Chinese: Me not come to work, me sick. Boss: When I'm sick I have sex with my wife, try it. Later Chinese… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The three phrases that'll get you through life: 1: Cover for me. 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! 3: It was like that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd be much more into the Gay Pride Parade if real lesbians were like porn lesbians. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome, but shit happens. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't give any kinda fruit away this Halloween trick or treaters don't want that shit. Sincerely, kids — Anonymous Copy Share Image
*24 minutes of battery left* ME:That's enough time to finish. *6minutes later, laptop shuts down* ME: Fuck you! You lied to me! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
