I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
We just found out my little brother has a peanut allergy, which is very serious I know. But still I feel like… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
When I was seven, I broke my leg playing soccer. Just to feel something. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Ellen Barkin, your upcoming TV show ‘The New Normal’ premiers on September 11th. September 11th, that sounds about right. Every clip I’ve… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
